How to do ‘the talk’
When speaking with parents and grandparents about the S_ _ Talk many ask thoughtful questions.
The answers to their inquiries fall into the following four things parents must do to for their children.
1. You must stand firm for purity. Take a stand for what is truth and is right. Help your children to learn to take charge of their lives. Equip them with the spiritual truths they need to stand against the world’s commonly accepted activities that should be saved for marriage. Start with Ephesians 5:21 through the rest of the chapter. Do you see the emphasis on the direct correlation between marriage partners to Jesus and His bride – we, the church? This emphasis is often overlooked by the teaching of a wife’s submission and a husband’s love of his wife. There is also an obvious link of this relationship to how Jesus loves us. Could it be that the ecstasy we will experience when with Jesus is similar to that of a husband and wife as they culminate their marriage? Could this be the reason for the world’s deliberate effort to simplify and devalue marriage and the intimacy that should be protected and saved for that relationship with our spouse?
2. You must be the first to talk to your child about intimate activities that should be saved for marriage. God entrusted this child to you and is equipping you to teach them what they must know. You love your children more than anyone else and want the best for them without thought of gain. Do you trust anyone else to do “the talk”? Your children depend on you to provide the best care and protection you can possibly give them. They want you to give them the truth about this subject so they will be equipped to stand firm too. If you do not protect your children with the correct information they will become victims. Information can be gathered from many web sites and books. (See the bibliography of sites and books on the back). You may choose to have your child read with you or look at material on-line, but always preview or read it first to make certain that your child is ready for the information.
3. Trust your common sense. If you are similar to most parents, you never received instruction on how to this talk. But you can learn the facts and information that you need to relate to your children. Think of the way you were able to teach your child not to play with fire or how to stay out of the traffic while riding their bike. Think about why you taught them these things. Now think of your child’s future and how a disease from an intimate association could affect their lives or even kill them. You were able to tell them about fire and traffic because you were equipped with the facts and knew they could get hurt. You set boundaries to keep them safe. Even then a few accidents happened. How would you have felt if your child was hurt and you had never warned them of that danger? Equip yourself with a study of what God’s word says about purity and righteousness. Tell your children what you wish for them. The first time is the hardest. If you prepare you will become ready to talk. And don’t wait to start talking until your children are dating age. You should start talking about your little children’s’ privates as soon as they begin noticing them. Tell them how wonderfully God created their bodies so they can become mommies or daddies when we get married. They do not want the whole lesson, just start with simple comments.
4. Remember your dreams for you children’s future. What do you want them to avoid in heart breaks and divorce probabilities. I often get questions on the subject of parents’ past mistakes and how this makes you think you don’t have a right to teach your children purity. A good teacher tells how to avoid the mistakes they made. If you played in the street and got hurt, wouldn’t you relate that to your child when teaching that lesson? Being open with your children does not make you a hypocrite. Tell them just the facts, no details are needed. Only answer their questions and if you become uncomfortable you may tell them that you do not want to continue answering now, but later when you are more ready to share. Research has shown that youth prefer to hear about the activity we believe should be saved for the marriage relationship. They also prefer to know that you care about them choosing abstinence until marriage.
You must lay a foundation of purity for your children so they can become authorities on the subject of human reproduction rather than victims of this world’s view of it.
I am sincerely appreciative of your investment in your youth, Ruth Anne Eccles MSN, Executive Director